I have been a parent for nearly 17 years.  During the first two years, all I ever heard in public were statements along the lines of, "Your son is so quiet and well behaved.  I wish my kids were that quiet."  They were well meaning people, admiring my parenting skills.  Still, the words held a sting worse than any wasp.  My son was nonverbal, off in his own world of Infantile Autism.  I would simply smile and move away.

     As my son grew older, his symptoms became much more obvious.  He hummed, paced, and flicked his fingers or drummed his flexible bending straws.  For about two years, public meltdowns were rare..but they happened.  Mostly, people looked at him and us with that look of pity.  Some looked at him and our family with disgust and fear.  Those people usually offered up the ever so unhelpful, ignorant advice of..."There is nothing wrong with him that a good spanking wouldn't fix."  Anytime Alex is a little too autistic for someone else, their reaction was usually quite verbal..."discipline your kid".  These people clearly had never cared for or even spent time around someone with Alex's type of Autism.  There isn't an autism expert, medical professional, teacher, or therapist that hasn't praised me to the moon and back for just how well behaved Alex is.

     This past weekend, my family was at a VERY busy and crowded portrait studio.  Infants, toddlers, and teenagers were everywhere (the pre-teen crowd must have been at the mall, chasing down Justin Bieber posters).  Parents had frustrated looks on their faces and the studio staff seemed hopped up on 5 hour energy and Botox smiles.  The studio was about 30 minutes behind schedule so we let Leyla (now 2.5 years old) and Alex walk around the window treatment department while I kept baby Sam (yes, I have had a baby) asleep in a quiet corner.  The stress and over-stimulation of everyone was pouring out of the studio.  Leyla was not unaffected.  When we finally finished our session, she was wound as tight a new spool of thread.  She was running, jumping, and shouting at everyone.  I didn't want her to hurt herself.  I didn't want her to annoy other adults and I certainly didn't want her to get any other kids over-stimulated.  I asked my husband to take Leyla, Alex, and Sam to the car while I finished up with the studio.

     Another woman said loudly, "She is fine.  She is just playing."  I didn't think much of it.  Maybe she was talking about her own kid.  She couldn't have been talking to or about me because I am the parent that should be spanking my autistic son when he flicks his fingers and hums. 

     Late that night, my husband said that a woman stopped him on his way to the car to say something like..."Your little girl is so beautiful and sweet.  She wasn't misbehaving back there.  She was just being a toddler.  I don't know what her mother was thinking."  Then, she proceeded to tell my daughter that she was beautiful and extremely well behaved.

   Holy sheep poo!  Really?  I send my overstimulated child to the car so she can calm down a bit and not get the other kids worked up and I am criticized for it?

     Let me offer up some advice here.  Barring abuse and/or neglect...it is not anyone's place to tell me how to discipline or raise my children.  I would NEVER walk up to another parent and tell them what hundreds of so called "concerned citizens" have told me.   I am starting to think that some people leave their house and venture out into the community just so they can offer up judgement on everyone else.

     If your going to judge others, make sure you examine yourself as closely.  It is rude to stare.  It is rude to point and whisper...you are seen and heard.  Your not as subtle as you think.  It is unacceptable to tell strangers how to raise their kids.  If the problem is bad enough, call the police.  If it isn't bad enough to report...mind your own business and stop being a hypocrite.

     This summer has been tedious at best.  I foolishly enrolled in three courses for 7 credit hours.  I got all A's, but I spent far too much time on school and not nearly enough time with the kids or the house.  I am working hard to remedy both.  I had registered for 3 Fall semester courses, but I dropped one because I think I am going to have my hands full with my daughter for the next several months and I don't want to neglect her needs.

     My baby girl's 15th month has come and gone and she has lost two of the three words she had at 13 months of age.  I scheduled an appointment with her pediatrician but that isn't for another week.  I called Early Intervention, which is a joke in this state, and got that ball rolling.  We have been assigned a service coordinator and are waiting for a team to call us and schedule a few evaluations.  I am thinking she will get a developmental assignment and speech evaluation to start.  She doesn't seem to have any delays in her motor skills nor does she seem to have any sensory issues, so I am not yet concerned with getting an occupational assessment.  Hubby and I are bracing ourselves.  We feel there is a very good chance L will be diagnosed with Autism by the end of the year.

     Our emotions are all over the place.  We both seem to be trying hard to think about anything other her language delay.  We try to focus on the positive.  There are also days where we just hold each other and try not to cry.  I am back on an anti-depressant and eating less due to my anxiety induced tummy troubles.  I have lost nearly 10 pounds in the past month. 

     Of course, we always knew this was a possibility but we hoped and prayed that L would not have Autism.  We still hope and pray that it is just a speech delay and therapy will help.  We had been talking about trying for another baby but now we are in a holding pattern.

     And that has been my summer.